Chicken humor. You’ve poultry seen a bunch of these, but it’s eggsactly the nonsense we need to start off our week.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

MARTHA STEWART
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. No little bird gave me any insider information.

JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the “other side.” That’s what they call it — the other side. Yes, my friends, that Chicken is gay.

DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, The chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I’ve not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain. Alone.

AL GORE
I invented the chicken

JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?

CAPTAIN KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

VOLTAIRE
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.

SIGMUND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2011, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook – and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

DICK CHENEY
Where’s my gun?

COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?

On to the recipe. It’s fabulous. Crisp and garlicky.

And do you know what?

It tastes like chicken.

Crisp Chicken Scampi With Spaghetti

Ingredients:

1/4 cup olive oil
4 boneless chicken breast halves, cut into bite sized pieces
2 eggs
2 cups dried bread crumbs
1 lb spaghetti or linguine
1/2 cup butter
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 tablespoon lemon juice
Parsley, Parmesan, black pepper to serve

Directions:

1. Beat eggs until frothy. Dip chicken pieces in egg, then roll in breadcrumbs. Set aside.

2. In a skillet heat the oil over medium high heat and cook chicken, in batches, until cooked through and golden brown outside.

3. Cook pasta according to package directions.

4. Wipe out skillet and cook garlic in butter for one minute. Add chicken and lemon juice and stir to coat with butter. Remove from heat and pour chicken and sauce over pasta to serve. Sprinkle with pepper, Parmesan and parsley if you like.

Serves 6

Recipe from The Handel Society Cookbook

I’m not chicken to play this song. I laugh every time. It makes it hard to sing along when you cannot stop giggling.
Bloodhound Gang-Three Point One Four

There. Monday is completely tolerable now.

Check out Bloodhound Gang and buy their music on the band’s Website.

Cheers!